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![๐๐๐ง๐๐จ๐๐ข๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ช๐๐ // ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ค๐ฃ๐ก๐ฎ ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐๐๐ง๐จ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ง๐ช๐.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
๐ข๐ญ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ: ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆโ๐ด ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข ๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ช๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ข๐ญ.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
In truth, itโs been a long time since someone has called me mental. Because "๐ธ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ฆ" adults donโt use that word. But, it doesnโt bother me. Because its not that far from the truth.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
In a lot of ways we skirt the edges of mental health in the wellness world; because the fact of the matter is, โmental healthโ is a euphemism for being mentally unwell. At least it is for me. The only time my mental health is a topic of conversation, at all, is when I am really quite unwell.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
๐ฐโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
In fact, Iโve been a ghost. But not because Iโm ghosting you. Itโs hard to explain, and Iโm typically quite good with words. But Iโll try. Itโs like opening your mouth, but nothing comes out.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ด, ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ข๐ช๐ณ, ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
Everything is locked up tight. You canโt even exhale. So you sip air inโฆ slowlyโฆ and hope you donโt explode. When I was younger, I liked to ride the wild swings; but being rational, & having children changes the way you cope. So, Iโve learned to white knuckle my way in ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. Because feeling anything is absolutely, positively, too much, so I cope by shuttingโฆ itโฆ down.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
and that is where Iโve been. not being the best wife. not being the best mom. not being the best writer, friend, or โcreator.โ just fucking white knuckling it in neutral. [sorry].
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐โฆ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
I think a decade of white knuckling & sipping the air in is the extent of my capacity. So, today Iโm opening my mouth and forcing myself to exhaleโฆ lest I burst.
โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ โ
*ps- Iโve gotten sooooo many DMs. Thank you and I love you. #WordsbyFe
โโ
[painting of me / โFalse Confidenceโ, oil on canvas, 2007 by @heathernotjerry ]](https://scontent-dfw5-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.2885-15/79626788_2794144203976199_5469191868745763354_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_sid=8ae9d6&_nc_ohc=_2Z6kQOKszkAX83uC4k&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.cdninstagram.com&oh=e2c28a53b8e13b80c5ed8004cb70449a&oe=5F009C75)