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Motherhood · Self Care

Self Care + Motherhood

March 4, 2018

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kimberly__felix

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁? | 𝙎𝙤 𝙬

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁? | 𝙎𝙤 𝙬𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙪𝙥, 𝙬𝙚 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙩, 𝙬𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥, 𝙬𝙚’𝙧𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚… 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩?
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I’ve got an IGTV for that, in fact, I’ve got two.
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𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟭: 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗺 𝟭𝟬𝟭 ⇾ I talk 3 types of activism, tools and resources for starting out, and self-care for before, during, and after the protest. In all things there is an ebb & flow… and this is only just the beginning. We need you strong.
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𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟮: 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗮𝘀 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗺 ⇾ After talking about parenthood as a form of activism, I got so many requests for resources…
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𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚: this is more than just a booklist. First, we must tackle the HIGHLY PROBLEMATIC notion of colorblindness & then I give you some less typical options for historical accounts of America so that we can understand how we got 𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀. Only then can we truly move forward to dismantle systemic racism.
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I break children’s books down into category’s with a pedagogy for how they serve to raise conscious kids & more specifically anti-racist chidden (grounded loosely in the concept of exposure therapy). Consider this a free workshop, b/c I love you & our kids deserve better. PS- you do NOT need to be a parent to watch this.
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So… that’s what’s next. Tell me, what are YOU doing to take this movement off the the ‘gram & into your life?

𝗦𝗼, 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 “𝑩𝒆 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆”?
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Being a strong black woman is hard. In a world where the ☀️ + 🌈 feed is trending & 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, I have to fight to maintain my authenticity.
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I was a grown ass woman before I learned self-love. A wife & mother already. In, fact 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙩. The learning phase. Women who are not taught their value as children spend half of their adulthood trying to learn it. It requires work. The work is hard, & it is unending. But it is so worth it.
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Black women, we are building worlds. Breaking generational curses. Being beacons, & light houses, & fortresses. 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨. To these women I say, take care of you, honey...
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𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆… 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗝𝗼𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲.
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Being a WOC in Wellness is hard… but I am committed to bursting though the door & breaking the damn handle. Because seeing myself in wellness, in dance, in gymnastics, could have saved me a lifetime of pain. #edrecovery .
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Eleanor changed the game for me (journal ⇓).
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“Uterus full of a future woman, her uterus 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, I realize that being a woman is literally being 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺. I am infinity. And𝘠𝘖𝘜 are infinity, little girl. And the future is female.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚.
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𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘐𝘕𝘍𝘐𝘕𝘐𝘛𝘌 & 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥.”
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Remembering this allows me to be ok with not living a unicorn life…
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𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙣, 𝙄’𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚 💫.
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In fact, I was last year, last month, last week… but hey, I’m glad you finally see it.
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Welcome... Now let’s do the damn work. ✊🏽

Ｍａｍａ. ▹ The first time we hear it our h

Ｍａｍａ. ▹ The first time we hear it our heart cracks wide open…
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So hearing someone else’s child say it in their final moments is absolutely heart shattering.
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#GeorgeFloyd is not the first black man I’ve heard cry for his mama as his unjust death was being recorded for posterity. And it breaks my heart every damn time. 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝, 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝?
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In years past I have been a 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱, 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗰𝘂𝗳𝗳 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗮𝗿 protestor. I’ve been pepper sprayed & I’ve been yelled at. And in the end, it felt righteous, it felt necessary, & it felt good to see the tables turn on an important issue. But on this… #blacklivesmatter , I’m left wondering… 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣?
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Today in my stories I talk about how 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗿𝘀. It’s important work… & we 𝗔𝗟𝗟 need to be doing it.
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That being said, I am no longer in the season of boots on the ground… and that hurts (my pride mostly). A few years ago I got some of the best advocacy advice for this season:
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𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨𝙩. 𝙈𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙞𝙨 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙗𝙚𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚.
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Just like George (& ahmaud & breonna & & &) was someone’s child, so was that cop. White silence is complicity. The answer is NOT colorblindness. The answer is NOT continuing to ignore the problem. We as people have gotta do better than this…
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𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲, 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗮𝗶𝗻’𝘁 𝗶𝘁.
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And best of all, you can do 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎 work from anywhere. You can raise your kids right & protest systemic racism from the comfort of your home. In fact, we should 𝗔𝗟𝗟 be doing it.
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In the coming days I’ll be adding resources for those who are looking to consciously parent, & if you have a resource you love, leave it below… we are in this together.
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And if you 𝘼𝙍𝙀 trying to be in these streets, because there is a place for that, too (& thank you), protect yourselves. Slide in my DMs if you need resources.

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝘂𝘀𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗲? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗼𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁? - 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗶 (𝗣𝗢𝗖) 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗲𝗱.
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The convos are fucking difficult. There is so much work to be done. But it is worth it… b/c ❤️.
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My husband learned years ago that there’s being an ally and then there’s being married to the people you allied for.
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✧Allies have to learn to shut up & listen & get comfortable with being offended (unlearning is hard).
✧Non-black spouses have to do all that 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙇𝙊𝙏 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣 & 𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮… 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚. And not every couple get’s this right. It’s hard fucking work.
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He & I… we do the work.
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When it’s a one off killing (as if) it’s easier... I shout, I scream, I cry. I move on (𝘣/𝘤 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦- 𝘸𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘯 & 𝘸/𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 “𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵”).
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But when it’s piled on like this time «𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗱𝟭𝟵 + 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲 + 𝗹𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗔𝗺𝘆 + 𝗚𝗲𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗱 + 𝗹𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝟰𝟱 + 𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘁𝘀»… ... Well in those moments, he just has to accept that I love him, but in this moment I hate “white people” & that I need him to know unless he’s the loudest ass, most vocal ass, anti-racist ass motherfucker ... 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘐 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘵𝘰𝘰.
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** 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙡, & 𝙧𝙖𝙬, & 𝙞𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡… 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙈𝙊𝙎𝙏 𝙄𝙈𝙋𝙊𝙍𝙏𝘼𝙉𝙏 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 — 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢. 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙜𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨.**
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But, I am rational & what’s happening 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 could never break US 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚… but whew, sometimes you just gotta look at a white man sideways... even if he is your man.

Happy Mother’s Day ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I

Happy Mother’s Day ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I have lots of humans... and despite being absolutely bonkers, they really make it all worthwhile. Going into day fifty-eleven of quarantine is teaching us all a lot of life lessons... but, still... Mothering them is my fave!
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ps- I miss you all.

𝙑𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚 // 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥: 𝘴𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In truth, it’s been a long time since someone has called me mental. Because "𝘸𝘰𝘬𝘦" adults don’t use that word. But, it doesn’t bother me. Because its not that far from the truth.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In a lot of ways we skirt the edges of mental health in the wellness world; because the fact of the matter is, “mental health” is a euphemism for being mentally unwell. At least it is for me. The only time my mental health is a topic of conversation, at all, is when I am really quite unwell.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒖𝒏𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In fact, I’ve been a ghost. But not because I’m ghosting you. It’s hard to explain, and I’m typically quite good with words. But I’ll try. It’s like opening your mouth, but nothing comes out.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘪𝘳, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Everything is locked up tight. You can’t even exhale. So you sip air in… slowly… and hope you don’t explode. When I was younger, I liked to ride the wild swings; but being rational, & having children changes the way you cope. So, I’ve learned to white knuckle my way in 𝒏𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍. Because feeling anything is absolutely, positively, too much, so I cope by shutting… it… down.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and that is where I’ve been. not being the best wife. not being the best mom. not being the best writer, friend, or “creator.” just fucking white knuckling it in neutral. [sorry].
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
𝒏𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆… 𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕, 𝒏𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I think a decade of white knuckling & sipping the air in is the extent of my capacity. So, today I’m opening my mouth and forcing myself to exhale… lest I burst.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
*ps- I’ve gotten sooooo many DMs. Thank you and I love you. #WordsbyFe
——
[painting of me / “False Confidence”, oil on canvas, 2007 by @heathernotjerry ]

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